| Bracelet
The strings keep coming loose
Loosened by the wear and tear
Pulled from every side
Unable to find a way
It threatens to come undone
To fall at any moment
But we catch it in time and tie it tighter
Hoping that this time it will remain tied
Yet the cycle continues
Slowly loosened day by day
Tempting gravity to drag it off
The strings keep coming loose
Threatening to come undone
Pulled from every side
But not broken
Unable to find a way
But not utterly without a way
Faith beats gravity.
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| it's so weird to go back to things you've written years ago and be able to identify so clearly with the person you used to be... especially when you had forgotten who you had been during that time that you had blocked out...
i guess a sampling is appropriate.
dime lo que quiero oir
dime
dime que me quieres
dime que me amas
dime que me necesitas
dime que me deseas
dime que soy el mundo,
todo el mundo por ti
dime que vives por cada palabra
que viene de mis labios
como yo vivo por tus palabras
dime que soy la belleza de tu vida
dime que soy tu salvador
dime que necesitas que amarme,
besarme, abrazarme
dime todo para que yo pueda vivir
dime todo
dame todo tu amor
y todo de ti
aunque no te merezca, te necesito
amor mio.
[one of the very few poems i've ever attempted to write in spanish. don't judge me.]
words like daggers cut into my heart
misinterpretation
confusion
mixed emotion
pain
if pain is love then why does love draw me so?
an action, a change, just one iota and i fall
i fall into the dark abyss of emotions
i fall on the battlefield of the mind
thoughts encircle me, piercing me as i descend
it spreads, permeating my being,
dark thoughts, dark emotions, strangling me
they suck me in
self-pity
self-hate
anger
jealousy
pain
pain pain pain
anguish
the raindrops of a quiet storm become
black streaks on the satin pillow case
dreams fool me, tease me, mock me, torment me
taunt me, haunt me
torture. double lives. ignorance.
is it real?
am i paranoid?
i hate not knowing.
i hate knowing right from wrong.
i hate.
i love.
kill me with your words cause i live for it.
[gosh, it's been a while...
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she forces a laugh to keep back the tears.
they'll never know if i can just keep laughing...
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i'd give anything to be numb right now.
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| the thoughts repeat over and over again in my head
can't get them to stop
can't get them to go away
stop
go away
it's as if my mind has shrunken to the point where it is only capable of holding these thoughts
these thoughts
the ones i want to stop thinking
but i can't
i can't help wondering
speculating
imagining
it could be true
there's every possibility
probability?
where are you?
where am i?
i hear the phone ring again - could it be?
i get the voicemail once again - it could be.
it always could be.
always. ever. i hate those words. the very thought of them sickens me.
just stop.
if i could just think about one other thing, maybe it would be okay...
but, no,
there they go again
thoughts, thoughts, thinking, thoughts
just don't...
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